Sunday, September 8, 2013

A shout to the world.

It's funny how much your life can change on a dime. It doesn't feel like it's been almost 3 years since we left Reno. It doesn't feel like it's been almost 4 since we were married and found out we were expecting a baby. It doesn't feel like it's been almost 4 since we were anxiously waiting to hear about whether or not we would be moving into our own home. Some of these feel like it's been longer than so many years, and others feel like it's been shorter. But time passes all the same.

It also doesn't feel like that 9 months ago we found out we would  be adding a fifth addition to our family. And it doesn't feel like that 7 months have passed, along with that illusion. I've kept it relatively quiet, and not that many people know. Today, however, makes the day we were due to welcome that little one into our lives

The day after Christmas we found out, and 3 weeks later it would be confirmed. And then at 9 weeks I went in for our first ultrasound and found out our little one had passed away probably that very morning. For 2 1/2 weeks we waited, and finally my body got the clue. But I would end up at the hospital doing an emergency procedure due to extreme blood loss. Through it all, there were a few people that were there for my family that I still can't thank enough. But Ray and I decided we would continue to keep it quiet (We were planning on telling people the good news at 12 weeks.) and continue on. Not even Carly knew, which I'm very glad for. However, today I just want to acknowledge the little one that would never be, and remind myself that it did happen. It was a hard month- a very hard month- as I've never dealt with anything like that before. But Ray was a solid rock and gave me so much support and so many options I can never thank him enough for.

We have decided, with finality, that we will just be sticking with the 2 amazing kids we are so lucky to have. 3 would have been great, but 2 is the number for us. Some people say money shouldn't play a factor into how many children you have, but I disagree (for our family.) I love being able to take my two on vacation, I want my two to be able to go to college without having to put themselves into debt, I want my two to experience stability financially in their lives. Money, of course, is not our only factor. Carly had a hard time adjusting to her brother, and now she seems to be on a great path developmentally. I do not want to derail her from that. Wesley is finally at a point where he doesn't scream when I leave the room, and is experiencing independence. I do not want to upset his progress, either. Ray and I got married with kids- heck, my whole adult life has been with child. Although I do not want time to pass quickly at all, there will be a time when my babies leave the nest and Ray and I can do things for our relationship (More so than an occasional night or weekend.)
There are more reasons, and you might not agree with any of mine- and that's fine! But Ray and I have decided that 2 is our number.

But #3, had you made your appearance into our lives today, tomorrow, yesterday, or any other time- we would have loved to have you. Carly would have continued to be an amazing big sister, and Wesley would have fallen into the roll of big brother with ease. I have accepted the fact that you were not meant to be, but am thankful for the time I did have with you. (Even if it included my first morning sickness experience out of three pregnancies!) For those couple of months, you had me set on 3 being our number!

Thank you to you all, who offered up your support during that time so freely. My mama, Ray's mom and stepdad, my friends- Amber and Katie who let me text them continuously, Megan, who would come and sit with my all day at the hospital so that my husband would know I wasn't alone, my RT friends who listened to me vent over the internet. And most importantly, My husband. (And I am sure I am missing someone, and for that I'm sorry.) Without you all, I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed that month.

#3, it's no longer like you never happened. And that's really all I wanted. You did happen, and you did change my life, and I thank you for that. I love you <3

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Daddy, Where are you?

This blog post is going to be all mushy and about my husband, so don't say I didn't warn you...

Ray left for Texas last Thursday. Some nerdy convention goes on every year (Apparently it's huge) and it can better his skills used for work, and so they send him every year. He geeks out and loves going, while I get super jealous and hang out at home. But, in all honesty, he deserves this trip.

A couple of days ago, I pulled the trash can out of the closet to take the trash out and froze.
'When was the last time I took the trash out?' I thought to myself. I stood there and scrunched up my eyebrows just trying to remember. THAT'S just how long it has been since I have taken out the trash myself. It's not because I let the trash overflow or anything like that, but because my husband is so awesome that he takes it out without word before it can even get to that point. The same goes for the recycling bins every Tuesday (which I put on the curb this morning, and contemplated whether or not I was supposed to break down the boxes myself?) and the big trash can on Wednesday. I'm pretty sure the only thing he doesn't do automatically is the diaper pail, and I think that's just a man thing, haha.

He does so much more than the trash, of course. In the past week I've often wondered how happy I was being a single mom when it was just Carly and I. Of course, I was working then whereas this week it was just me and the kids hanging out at home but still. I don't know how military wives do it. Ray's not only my husband, but one of my best friends. Watching shows off the DVR wasn't the same. Renting a movie from Redbox wasn't the same. Grocery shopping wasn't the same. Even sleeping in my big king size bed, with one cat snuggled at my side, one cat at my feet, a toddler at my other side, and a dog at HIS feet, and it was still lonely. (Not to mention to soft snores of my pre-pre teen on the other side of the room!)

I have a pretty great husband, and he's a pretty awesome daddy. Wesley has asked the 'Where's Daddy?' question a lot the past few days, and the first thing Carly asked me when she came home yesterday was "How is Ray liking Texas?" Both will be happy to have him home.

Tomorrow morning :)


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Playing catch up...

I've decided I'm going to blog more. I think I need an outlet, and blogging should be perfect for it, right? I'm also going to update the layout of this blog, seeing as it's years old.

So let's talk. What has gone on in the past year? Well... not a lot, I suppose. We'll start up about where I left off...

Ray bought me a Kindle for Mother's Day, and I fell in love with it immediately. I spend too much time with my nose buried deep in it. Then for Christmas, he upgraded my Kindle to a Kindle Paperwhite (I think he was just sick of the amount of batteries I was going through on the reading light!) Again, I found myself completely in love! The only way it could be better is if the E-Ink was in color, but that's not even available technology yet! Wesley also turned 2 that month, which marked the end of him being a baby at all. It was bittersweet!



Summer the boys and I (Did I mention I am babysitting another little boy during the day? Well, I am and have been since early 2012. Wesley and Paul are total BFFs and I am not quite sure what they would do without each other!) spent some time out in the backyard keeping cool. This year, my goal is to talk Ray into a bigger outdoor pool, but we'll see.


In early September, my amazing friend Megan and I attended the Kelly Clarkson concert at Bridgestone Arena in Nashville. It was amazing as Kelly herself put on a good show, but the company I had was pretty great too!


Shortly after the concert, Ray and I packed up the kids and headed to California for a week at Disneyland. My mom was supposed to meet us there, but had some work conflicts at the last moment and didn't get to go. She sent my little sister, Jordan, in her place and we all had an amazing time. Other than one day where it was 104 degrees (In SoCal... What?!) the weather was beautiful and teetered in the 70s/80s. The only hitch? Indiana Jones was CLOSED! How dare you! GASP! So, I suppose that just means we'll have to go again soon. Wesley is still a bit too short for some of the rides, and while he enjoyed Cars Land, he'll be excited when he can ride all of the rides in that area too. (And also Star Tours.)



Oh, let's back up for a second. My son is COMPLETELY obsessed with Star Wars. Completely. I mean, he loves Toy Story and Cars, but Star Wars is his true love. He can name all of the characters, he loves to lightsaber duel, and his new thing is using his hand to Force Push you. Yes. Ray and I are very proud!


So, let's move on.

Carly started playing Basketball in November, and it recently just ended. She started out not knowing the game at all, and transformed into a pretty good first time player! Her team was awesome and ended up undefeated, plus she made some good friends along the way. I can't thank her coaches enough for having the time and patience to help Carly learn the game! We can't wait for next year!


Thanksgiving came and went, and we celebrated my oldest turning 9 (which makes me want to cringe and cry all at once!) with family here. Christmas was the same way, my spoiled kids became even more spoiled and enjoyed most of their Christmas presents.
Shortly after Christmas something happened I am not quite ready to talk about. Over the period of the next 3 months (leading up until now, March) would be some of the most happy and devastating moments we've had. Eventually, I'll talk about it, but for now I am not ready.


Last weekend, my friend Amber flew in to spend some time with us for the weekend. I hadn't seen Amber since the last time I was in Reno and so it was AMAZING to have her here! Mix my Reno BFF and my Bowling Green BFF and I was pleasantly surprised to see Amber and Megan immediately click! We all had a great time, getting tattoos (Yes, I'm not longer a tattoo virgin!) drinking, (Too little and too much all at once!) and seeing a Pink concert in Nashville (AMAZING!) There were several times over the weekend where I was doubled over laughing so hard. Ray watched the kids ALL weekend (I can't thank him enough!) and it was just so much fun. (Didn't bring an actual camera this time, so we didn't have too many great pictures at the Pink concert!)


So, I guess more went on than I thought... Tomorrow, Ray heads to Austin, Texas for work where he'll be for a week. Last year when he went, we were infested by Ants and the fridge broke. Let's hope for an uneventful week this time, huh?
Coming up in May, Ray and I are heading back to Florida without the kids for a long weekend by ourselves. We plan to be big kids, and hit Disney World the entire time. I'm pretty dang excited! Hopefully we'll be taking the kids later this year too.
My mom is talking about coming up in June, which will hit right after Wesley's birthday (And the birth of my Niece, however that's a different story for a different time. It's coming to a point where I have a lot of nieces [And one nephew!] and it's messed up how little I get to see any of them.)
So, that was 2012 (and a bit of 2013) in an instant. I'm going to keep this updated more regularly, and probably bore you with the events of my day/week/month. But... get over it! :)

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Weigh in, Weigh off.

The scale is such an intimidating item. I'm pretty sure it's my least favorite part of doctor appointments- including those with blood-work! When I was pregnant with Wesley, I'd made Ray stand back 15 feet while they weighed me, and sometimes even resist to look myself.
In late 2008- early 2009, a lot of you know that I lost 85 pounds. It certainly didn't happen overnight, and it only happened after one day I decided that I wanted to work out and eat healthy.
Then, I think after Ray moved in and before our wedding I gained 5 here, 5 there. And while pregnant with Wesley I did well, only gained 20 pounds (And most of that in the last month when I stopped working.) However, the transition from being a working mom to a stay at home mom proved to be harder on me than I thought, and the weight slowly crept back up on me. After moving to Kentucky all the events that occurred within the immediate 45 days, I saw a lot of my hard work just fading away.

Well, 2012 there would be no more excuses. I'd make the most out of being a stay at home mom, but without the extra weight. I started my weight re-loss journey on January 8th, 2012 and as of March 31, 2012 I have lost 32.4 pounds. My goal has been 10 pounds a month, and (so far) I've been able to meet that goal every month. (Jan- 10.8, Feb 11.2, Mar 10.2) It's funny, because I had the most days in March, and the least amount of loss. Even with only having three weeks in Jan, and 3 less days in Feb, I still beat out this past month. Seems March has been a bit harder to stick with my program than the first two months. But, I am determined to stick with it throughout April!

My ultimate goal, you ask? I'm not sure what the number is, but I know I plan to surpass my weight loss from 2008/09, and hopefully go much further than that.

Some people have asked how I've done it, or what is my secret... Honestly, I've just counted calories and resolved myself to stay under a certain number, and pushed myself to make friends with my elliptical nightly! (Usually twice a day, but always at least once!) My Fitness Pal has a great calorie counting app that has been so great to have! I am going to start incorporating a 3x a week stregnth exercise into my routine, but I'm trying to find one that doesn't require me buying more equipment. I've thought about buying Insanity, but $150 is a bit much right!

So, I'm just going to think skinny thoughts, and hope I can stay on this path! We are planning a family vacation for Carly's fall break in October, and I was to be fabulous! (And also involve myself in some of the family pictures this time- no more hiding!)
Wish me luck!
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Saturday, February 18, 2012

Ugh, mornings.

We have an arrangement, and it works. Ray sleeps in Saturday, and I sleep in Sunday. It really does work. But I find myself on Saturday mornings grumbling about how it doesn't work. I wish I was a morning person.

What would you do early on a Saturday morning, after your son had eaten breakfast, is already wearing his favorite Toy Story shirt, and is now enjoying the benefits on Saturday morning cartoons? My school books are staring at my dauntingly, but my tired brain is avoiding their glare. My classes this semester include the last of my general eds- Communications and History, and two specialties- Microcomputers and HTML, XHTML, & CSS. For someone who likes to talk, I'm sure it's surprising to some that communications is my least favorite. We talk about our feelings too much in that class. I find myself thinking, 'What the heck do I have a husband for then?!' After this semester (Well, I lied, I have one more general to finish...) I have a summer full of 2 math classes, yuck. But after that it's straight specialties. I'm so excited. Hopefully I can do most of them online so I continue just being home with Wesley, and watching Paul (toddler who I've been watching for 3 weeks. Wesley has already asked for him 3 times this morning. He misses his friend. I think he'd be happier if his sister was at least home, but she is with her dad. Both of my kids are little social butterflies.)
In any case, school is moving along, and I'm excited to be done. Once I finish my Web Design degree, I can hopefully do somethings from home as I work towards my marketing BA. So many likes, so many hobbies, and just too many to choose from. I think I talk to Ray about my career choices once a week or perhaps even more.

I guess I'll do some homework. Although, looking up potential dates and places to stay for our *hopefully* fall Disney World trip sounds like more fun. And I can't quite reach my book. I wish I was a morning person.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011.

2011 brought us-

A move 2000 miles from home.
A layoff
A full time job
2 part time jobs
2 Disney World trips
2 car accidents
Some physical therapy
2 mommy visits
3 flat tires
and the list goes on and on.

But above all, 2011 leaves us with 2 healthy, beautiful kids, healthy family, a roof over our heads, warm clothes on all our backs, and food in all our bellies.

If 2012 has half the love that 2011 did... bring it on!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Steps in the right direction.

We took the kids to the rehab center to see Aunt Judy last night. Carly did amazingly well with it all, especially since anything resumbling a hospital frightens her (She was even nervous about coming to see me when Wesley was born.) She gave Aunt Judy a hug, and then just kept her distance after that.
Back story- For those of you that don't know, Ray's Aunt Judy was in a car accident just down the street from our home after babysitting Wesley for me. For that I will be forever grateful and forever guilty. This was the Monday before Thanksgiving. She was transferred to a hospital in Kentucky where we had a rough few days, but she is on the mend now and back in Bowling Green doing therapy so she can go home! 
Wesley thinks going to the rehab center is so much fun, since there are so many 'toys' for him to play with and touch. Although it seems we always take him over there when he is tired, because he loses patience fast. Judy is doing remarkably well though, and hopefully will be home soon.

I've been spending as much time as possible trying to get Christmas presents done for everyone. We are doing mostly home-made and personalized gifts this year. We really go overboard during Christmas time, and we are trying to take it easy this year- for even the kids. We move next weekend, so hopefully we can get moved quick, and I can finish all our Christmas presents for everyone. Mom and Jordan will be here soon as well, so it's all just so exciting! Hopefully we will be all moved in by the time they get here. That would be ideal! 
I suppose I should start packing...